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I purchased the book by Larry Crabb entitled "Shattered Dreams . . . God's Unexpected Path to Joy."  So far, I've read it twice and working on the third time.  Generally, what Larry says makes sense to me.  A lot of questions were answered for me.  But others remain.  I can now accept the major losses and disappointments in my life as good dreams that were shattered.  I also accept that my greatest desire is to know God and have a relationship with Him.  I still, however, am having a hard time not being conerned about the real material needs I now have.  I'm going through a desert experience and have been for a few years now.  I accept what Os teaches about the desert experience.  I see work that God has accomplished in my life during this time.  For that I'm thankful.  But I'm not jumping up and down happy.  The real issues I'm going through hurt.  I agree with what Larry says . . . we humans just don't want to hurt.  I have a hard time understanding where my thinking should be now.  I don't want to miss what God is doing in this desert place I'm in.  At the same time, I want things to improve.  A day or so ago, I read the devotional by Os about each of us having our own funeral.  In order to have that funeral, or in order for us to know we have had it, must we reach a point that we no longer care about the real material needs we have?  Are thoughts and hopes of better days a sign that we are not "dead" yet?

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Wow!  Big questions.  You are brave to be so bold with your heart's desire.  I have gone through a wilderness experience myself and it lasted for about 6 years.  During this time it was up and down finanacially and there were many times that we didn't quite know if we would be able to pay the bills at the end of the month.

 

Through G-d's grace we are still here and I am thankful for the time in the wilderness because of the purity of heart you come out with on the other side.  Victor Frankl's work really helped me put things in perspective as well and through his writings it helped me to a point where I had one focus.  The other thing that I learned from him was that meaning of life is subjective (I know as Christians we share a common purpose but we also have subjective purpose).  During my wilderness experience there was no-one that could really understand what I was going through except our Father.  This knowledge drove me deeper into the wilderness untill I cam e to a place of shattered dreams.

 

My shattered dreams have become my daily altar.  I do not know the answer to your situation but I know Who does.  Go back to him again and again and again and...  It is about relationship.

Thank you.  You have given me something new to consider.

Jan-Derick Nel said:

Wow!  Big questions.  You are brave to be so bold with your heart's desire.  I have gone through a wilderness experience myself and it lasted for about 6 years.  During this time it was up and down finanacially and there were many times that we didn't quite know if we would be able to pay the bills at the end of the month.

 

Through G-d's grace we are still here and I am thankful for the time in the wilderness because of the purity of heart you come out with on the other side.  Victor Frankl's work really helped me put things in perspective as well and through his writings it helped me to a point where I had one focus.  The other thing that I learned from him was that meaning of life is subjective (I know as Christians we share a common purpose but we also have subjective purpose).  During my wilderness experience there was no-one that could really understand what I was going through except our Father.  This knowledge drove me deeper into the wilderness untill I cam e to a place of shattered dreams.

 

My shattered dreams have become my daily altar.  I do not know the answer to your situation but I know Who does.  Go back to him again and again and again and...  It is about relationship.

Jack, thanks for posting here. I believe you would not be human if you did not have desires for improving your life. I too long for that. I believe that key is that we need to press into the Lord to allow even these painful times to yield what He is after in our lives. He deposits things into our lives during these seasons and perseverance is a major one of the things we learn in this process. I encourage you to check out www.upsideofadversity.com if you have not done so. May the Lord continue to guide you through these deep waters.

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